Breastfeeding is hard and I knew that it would be from the beginning. I heard many times from friends that it was difficult and I didn't think that it would be any different for me.
At the hospital when we first tried breastfeeding Carter latched right on. He has a fantastic latch and for that I am thankful because it would have been much more difficult to get things going if he didn't. My nipples did ache and burn and crack even though I was using nipple cream. Then my OB gave me a prescription for some amazing cream and the nips have been fine ever since.
It wasn't until our first day home that I really felt frustrated with nursing. It didn't seem like I was getting any food to my baby. All of a sudden he wouldn't latch, he would just scream and would wiggle around and around. I didn't know what to do, my husband didn't know what to do, and we felt sad for our crying baby. I'm thankful that I had someone I could call to ask some questions. Of course, when she asked how things were going, the tears came. I felt helpless. My milk had not come in yet and I think this is what the problem was. My big baby with hungry and wanted more than what I could give him.
Thankfully, that night my milk came in... Boy did that hurt! I was so engorged and sore. I tried hand expressing, a cabbage leaf and begged baby to wake up to eat. When he did eat it was such a different experience from the day before. He was satisfied and I felt better physically and emotionally. He passed out and slept the longest he had since we had him.
Then came a growth spurt a few days later. Being bigger to begin with he already needs more and then add a growth spurt on top of that and I feel like I'm a human buffet table, feeding from anywhere to every 30 to 60 minutes. Then instead of sleeping after a feeding my little boy would stay awake. During the day its awesome, but at night when I just want to sleep. Its hard. Really hard.
I know this is hard for my husband as well for he feels completely helpless when all he wants to do is help. He's a fantastic father and I know that if he could feed right now, he would. That's why I'm looking forward to the next few weeks when I can start pumping so he can in fact help with feeding. It will be nice to not feel like I am on lock down because I have the milk.
But when I see this face, I forget about it all.